today while putting off writing a paper, I got to looking at a Word document I created about some of my most “memorable” patients at work.  Thought you’d like a few of them…

- after finding a patient naked in hallway he says to me, ”I want to lay on you.” I went on to ask him why that was and he just said, “because you look soft.” (how flattering)

- while fixing a patient’s cardiac lead on her chest she says, ” Hey! You pinched my titty!”

-  a patient said to me..”I love you like a cousin, but right now you’re treating me like a nobody!” (after scolding her for pulling out her IV and foley catheter)

- and the same confused, crazy patient said to me..”Get your hands off me they smell like shit.” (because I was cleaning up her poop in her bed).  So being the mature nurse I am I couldn’t resist saying back to her (and I knew she wouldn’t remember)…  ”That’s because i’m wiping your ass!”

*hopefully you find these stories as entertaining as my friends and family have (and not too gross or offensive)*